Friends with benefits – As I see it (by definition).

15 09 2016


As listed in Graham’s unofficial and less than concise dictionary :0)

Friends with benefits: People who are there when you need them, who will listen, support, and offer a cup of tea if required. (The cup of tea being the benefit).

It’s not you it’s me: What I say when I’ve been waiting in the doctor’s surgery for over an hour, it’s my turn, and some one else stands up.

It’s not me it’s you: What I say when some one lets their wind go and every one stares at me.

Cyber space: That place in everybody’s home where the car keys, phone, spectacles and wallet disappear to when you’re in a hurry and can’t find them.

Bye Felicia: Something I say when I’m saying goodbye to Felicia.

Snap Chat: The type of chats I have when I’m in a bad mood.

There’s Something About Mary: I overheard my local priest saying this to one of his parishioners.

World Wide Web: This is what happens when spiders of the world unite.

Search Engine: This is what I do when the car breaks down and I try to find the fault.

Deadpool: The pool at the end of my garden. There is so much Algae in it all possible life died long ago!

Conscious Uncoupling: This is when I disengage the trailer from the car – on purpose.

eBay: Right next door to D bay.

Free Wheelin: How I would describe the wheel that came away from the front of my car and went off in a different direction.

A Happy Meal: One that I can enjoy in peace.

A Big Mac: A rain coat that is one size too big for me.

Wrinklies: Synthetic clothes that I have put in the washing machine when it specifically states: “Dry clean only”

Getting Jiggy with it: What I do when I’m trying to put a pair of socks on that have shrunk in the wash.

Zigazigah: The sound I make when I’ve caught my finger in a zip and try to free it.

Yahoo: A sound a cowboy makes when trying to round-up cattle.

A calorie counter: A counter with loads of cakes on it.

Smart phone: A neat and tidy phone that I can make phone calls on.

Tablet: I take these when I have a headache.

Chill: I feel this when I turn the heating off and stick my head in the fridge.

Sick: How I feel when I come down with the flu.

Sick note: When I come down with the flu and sing this is how the notes sound.

Deadly: Anything that could kill you.

LOL: Half of a lollipop. Can I have the other half back please?

AIBU: How Abraham, who is dyslexic, spells his name.

Twitter: I hear this early morning when the dawn chorus breaks.

New and improved recipe: The same recipe but with a new label.

How many hits?: A boxer tends to ask this after the fight.

Spotify: Magnified acne.

Download: When I’m carrying something heavy and I need a rest this is what I do.

Pop Socks: A name I have given the socks my father wears.

Spanks: We used to receive these as children for misbehaving.

Jogging: The nudge with my elbow I give to my mother when she has fallen asleep in the cinema.

50 Shades of Grey: A battle ship.

50 shades darker: The water that surrounds it.

Breaking news: News about someone who has broken something. Usually my son.

Dot Com: The woman who lives down the street. She has a sister –in-law named Dot Cotton.

BOGOF: Something I say to someone who is annoying me.

Check this out: This is what I do when I buy something, the cashier scans it and I pay for it.

Take a chill pill: Time to take another Valium.

Politically correct: When a politician says what people want to hear but doesn’t believe a word of what he/she is saying.

I’ll be in touch: Said by someone who won’t be in touch. They are usually good friends with ‘I’ll let you know’.

She’s fit: What I will say about a woman who goes to the gym a lot.

Please hold,  your call is important to us: You have plenty of time to redecorate the house.

You’ve got mail: The postman has just arrived.

The End: Well it is unless this blog becomes so successful that I have to make a sequel. But of course, if I do, it won’t be as good as this one.







3 responses

21 03 2017

Great post!!!! You speak truth! Please check out my submission to COLLEGE MATE
I would love your feedback and support!


16 09 2016
alienatednation - the silent majority.

Thank you Sherrie. You’ve made my day. :0)


16 09 2016

Genuinely funny!!


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