Mother (Episode 30)

3 09 2016

Things I didn't know about mother. (Part 25)

I sensed even before we took off that this was going to be an eventful flight. The omens were there from the minute mother tried to fasten half a seat belt from a vacant seat into half of her seat belt – veins bulging, eyes popping, as mother nearly succeeded in bending metal. A late arriving passenger pointed out her mistake. ‘Ooooh I am sorry’. I focussed on the wing outside and tried to remain oblivious to what was going on right next to me.

However any effort on my part to keep a low profile became seriously impaired when mother showered at least three passengers with peanuts fired off from a snack size bag burst completely down the middle. It’s very difficult to clean up peanuts in economy class unless of course you are a contortionist, so we didn’t try. Unfortunately mothers accident caused one of the cabin crew to skate from first class down to the rear end of the aircraft in record time, causing one of the passengers to ask if there was an emergency.

With apologies made and earphones purchased I shrank back into my undersized seat and tried to immerse myself into ‘Mr Poppers Penguins’, shown on a screen tilted towards me by the passenger in front of me. But it wasn’t long before mother was tapping me on the shoulder mouthing that she couldn’t hear anything. I leaned across and followed mothers head phone lead down to her arm rest and discovered that she had pushed the connector into a random crevice.

Anyway once mother had been properly connected I managed to enjoy almost twenty minutes of movie watching in relative peace. Bliss .That is until mother starting laughing. The first time I remember mother laughing in public was in a cinema showing ‘What’s Up Doc?’ Mother would laugh, and less than half a second later the whole audience would laugh, and so it continued throughout the entire film. I could never quite figure out if it was because mother saw the joke coming before every body else did, or whether every one else was laughing at mother laughing. She does after all have a very infectious laugh. Anyway this time the only person laughing was mother, not sure about what, who became so hot and bothered that she decided to switch the air vents on, pressing the ‘Service’ button instead. Seconds later the cabin crew arrived with a moist towel in a pair of tongs, one waving it in front of mothers nose as if in an attempt to calm her down by hypnotising her,  the other one trying to flatten it across mothers face. By this time the passenger to the right of mother had left his seat, we assumed to go to the toilet, but he never did return.

I nervously eyed up all the emergency escape exits to see if any had been left ajar, whilst mother took advantage of the situation and pocketed the missing passengers unopened bag of Penn State pretzels. “They’ll help to keep my energy levels up while we wait to go through customs”.

“A good idea” I said, “But this time I’m opening the bag”.




One response

3 09 2016

Very funny


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