Mother. (Episode 27)

1 09 2016
 Things I didn't know about my mother. (Part 20)

I always know when mother is in a bad mood. Like the time when I stood beside the open car door in order to let her in and mother walked around to the other side, struggled to pull the car door open and then plonked herself right in the middle of the rear seat with her handbag occupying the space where I intended to sit. Then there was the time when I received a text from mother asking me to send on her mobile number. No niceties, just a text stating, “Send me my mobile phone number”. I did in haste. Back came the reply “Txs”,  again with no niceties.

But what can sometimes annoy mother is when we are out walking. I’ll surge ahead just to make sure we are heading in the right direction, and also to save mother from any wasted footsteps if we are not. And as a form of protest at leaving her alone, (even though I have explained what I am doing) mother will have inevitably disappeared by the time I come back for her. I then end up wasting a load of footsteps trying to find her. I swear she is hiding.

Once she emerged from an alley way accompanied by six beer swilling alcoholics. I’d only left her for half a minute! Another time she emerged from a police car accompanied by a police officer wearing a frown of ‘How could you desert your mother?’ She had apparently got lost about ten feet from where I was standing and they had picked her up.

Often Mother will say hello to somebody on the street, I’ll ask who it is she is smiling at, and she’ll reply that she doesn’t know as she has never seen them before.

But what I really do find odd is when I turn around just to make sure that mother is keeping up with me and then she  will turn around, either to check that her imaginary friend is still following her, or perhaps to ensure that she is not being followed by alcoholics or police officers.

There have even been times when I’ve turned around, mother has turned around, the person behind her has turned around, and so on and so forth all the way down the street.

But out walking with mother is never dull. I’ve witnessed mother waving at people that were waving at somebody else, and just last week I saw mother turn to talk to someone who she thought was talking to her, but was in fact chatting to someone else on their iPhone. Oblivious mother continued the conversation until, frustrated by the intrusion; the iPhone user wrenched the phone from her ear and said. ’I wasn’t talking to you’, to which mother replied ‘Charming I’m sure’.

I didn’t look back this time, just looked up, said a prayer and tried to pretend that all this wasn’t happening.

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