Mother. (Episode 24)

30 08 2016

Although mother’s car is over eight years old she still takes a pride in its appearance. It’s an Audi Green VW Polo complete with radio, air vents and a nodding dog on the back window shelf. Just a shame that when ever mother parks the car some where, someone decides to put a dent in it – or scrape the bumper or scratch the paint work. A couple of times mother has returned to find a note lodged between the wind screen wiper and the wind screen informing her that some one has seen some one else damage her car. They just never leave any information or details that could be of any use to an insurance company. But as mother says ‘At least some one saw it happen’.

Just recently mother zipped into a space in a supermarket car park only to be shunted not once, but three times by a big black 4X4 that was busy reversing. A rather puzzled woman stepped out of the jeep only to ask mother where she’d come from. Mother replied, “From a place where you obviously haven’t been yet.” “And where is that?” “Specsavers.” Eventually insurance details were exchanged but mother decided not to pursue the claim as she couldn’t be bothered with all the fuss. She wouldn’t allow us to pursue it either so we didn’t.

Talking about being bothered I remember another time when mother parked her car around the back of a cinema in Bromley, oblivious to the ‘Authorised parking with permits only’ sign. When she returned she found her car wedged between two metal street bollards, one at the front and one at the back. Feeling flustered mother looked around, and then looked up to see four construction workers grinning like Cheshire cats. They did at least lift mothers car back out from between the metal bollards again.

Mother now has a rusting hole in her rear bumper, a rippled effect on the passenger and driver’s door, and a bent car radio antenna which only receives Radio Pakistan or extended versions of Church of England sermons. Oh yes and the nodding dog has long since lost its head. But at least mother has managed to keep hers, and the absolute maximum no claims bonus. We are certain of this because we found the documents in the airing cupboard last week. And whilst cleaning out the fridge yesterday we found the missing nodding dogs head under the peas in the freezer compartment. I know. Don’t ask!






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