Mother. (Episode 19)

26 08 2016

I’ve never been brilliant at remembering names. It’s always been a weakness. And it doesn’t help much when mother and I get together and start discussing celebrities or places. Mother’s forgetfulness combined with my weakness for names nearly always ends up forcing us both into playing a game of charades. ‘Two syllables, second word, rhymes with jar’. ‘Carr?’ ‘Yes Carr, that’s it, did you watch it the other night? He had erm … what’s his name, on the sofa? If nothing else these conversations have developed my acting skills as well as developing mother’s ability to describe things or people, and of course there is always the possibility of a good belly laugh when one of us makes a wrong guess. ‘Big man, funny laugh’. ‘Naughton?’ ‘No erm .. he’s a bit camp.’ ‘Ross?’ ‘No not that camp … errm .. oh yes …. David Walliams.’ All those giggles, distractions, and the whole point of the conversation often lost some where amidst all that laughter. ‘Now what was I saying … Nuisance … oh well… whatever you do don’t get old.’ ‘Alright then I won’t’. Loss of hearing doesn’t help either, mothers little ear piece sometimes emitting a siren like sound which actually ruins my ability to hear anything she says – both of us forced to mime, point, and enhance our wordless conversation with exaggerated eye movements followed by one of Mothers famous “Tuts” when I guess wrong.  Nobody can “Tut” like mother.

But at least I’ve got used to the subtitles flashing across mothers TV screen in a sort of stuttered anxious burst of interpretation, misinterpretation, the translation inevitably lagging behind the screenplay dialogue which in some cases can prove quite funny. ‘I love you too.’ (Scene showing a woman slapping her partners face) ‘I really can’t live without you,’ (Scene showing the woman slamming the door as she exits from the room) But the biggest communications test I’ve been put through recently was when mother returned from the bathroom with a drawn facial expression and sunken cheeks. ‘Are you alright?’ ‘Muddy Woosance’. ‘What’s happened?’ After much slurping and slobbering and an inability on my part to guess what mother was trying to tell me I accompanied her to the bathroom. We did our best to peer beyond the u-bend in the toilet bowl but nowhere beneath the blue bleached water line could we find any trace of mother’s false teeth. ‘”Tut“.

Save

Save

Save

Save

Advertisements

Actions

Information

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: