Mother. (Episode 11).

19 08 2016

I was looking for a tiny screw driver for a tiny screw. In mothers side board are three boxes containing all those items that don’t really belong any where else – empty electric air freshener units, pens, playing cards, pins, safety pins and Christmas cracker novelties amongst other things. It’s a gamble which box I’ll find the mini screw driver in so I take the plunge and remove the blue box. The first thing I discover is a miniature violin which as I remember mother had purchased in Venice many years ago. Eventually I find the mini screw driver and delighted that I don’t have to plough through any more boxes I close the lid and try to place the box back where I found it. Mother doesn’t like a mess as I’ve learnt through the years so better to tidy up as I go along. However it turns out to be a lot harder trying to put the box back where I found it than it was removing it. As much as I try it just won’t go back in again, and the door is now ajar and stuck halfway away from being flush with its door frame. The sound of creaking foot steps descending the staircase causes beads of sweat to burst from my hair line – and now squinting I give up and remove the box again –  at which stage mothers cat jumps out from the space I was trying to cram the box back into with a slightly flatter nose and an indignant meow.

The truth is Mother’s cat is an opportunist. New clothes immediately become a bed the minute they are removed from the bag, vacant sofa seats must be occupied the minute somebody leaves them, and doors left ajar provide the perfect opportunity for the cat to scale them and rest precariously on top of them. Having achieved new heights he then looks down on us mere mortals through well preened whiskers, followed by an intensive licking session of all limbs and crevices, fur balls flying in all directions as he completes his cleaning exercise.

Also, any food left unguarded will be immediately devoured as was the case when the door bell rang and mother put her dinner plate down in order to answer it. Her return was met with an empty plate and her cat stretching his tongue as far as it would go in order to lick the top of his nose clean. He also has a passion for Swiss Roll! And please don’t mention the cheese. Many a block has been nibbled through at one time or another.

Mother’s cat went missing once, causing much concern. We searched up and down the road looking for him. Even I began to feel a bit desperate after a good half hour of searching. Tom always responds to a call but didn’t this time and  I feared that he may have been run over as so many other cats in mothers neighbourhood have been. Its a busy through road. Anyway we left the front door open, and pretended to watch television whilst I speculated about how mother would cope without her cat. He’s lived in mother’s house for over 18 years and would surely be a huge loss to mum if he didn’t return again. And then I heard a scratching sound from mothers clothes cupboard and opened the doors. Out popped a rather huffy cat leaving a huge ring of fur debris behind on top of mother’s suitcase. He then barged through my legs, tail in the air, and strutted towards the kitchen in search of comfort food after such a dreadful ordeal. With the panic over I used the mini screw driver to align and tighten the hinges on mothers cupboard doors, and satisfied with my endeavours called mother over to come and have a look at her now fully closing flush door panels . Without the merest of glances at my good work mother exclaimed, ‘Didn’t you see him go in there’?





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